honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i used baking grease as lip gloss
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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