His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
