Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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