Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
