I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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