When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
