no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
