If that was your dad, he is hot
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We left the knife in your bed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
