he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
