...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
