How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
