JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
