I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
