don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
