Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
