I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
