probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
