the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
