i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
