never play flip cup with pint glasses
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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