Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
