You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
