My friends, they love my intelligence
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
