omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
