It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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