i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize