you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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