brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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