I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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