listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
thus making me awesome and them whores
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize