it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
