Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
