Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you never un-have a 4some
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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