$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
