he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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