he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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