yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
