he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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