I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
