I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
