I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
