her vagine was all disorganized.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
