She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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