nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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