Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
