Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
