We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
