The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
