this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
