i don't like sucking hair
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
