the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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