My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
