Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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