Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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