I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
