im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
