I hate all girls vehemently.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
