you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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