we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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