We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
