Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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