I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize