My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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