Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
