He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
