I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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